The Girl Who Couldn’t Wait No More

Another day goes by, with not a text nor call

And I catch myself asking the same question…why do I constantly do this to myself

I always allow you in..into my heart , into my mind, into my being just to be left vulnerable again

The vulnerability that goes unnoticed produces scares that makes my heart bleed

But yet I ignore it because the feeling of being with you, is so euphoric

It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before..well maybe I have but that’s not the point

I notice that this is a cycle... We text, you come over, we enjoy each other and then you leave

And of course I get damaged, because I always tend to wear my heart on my sleeve

Even after the countless number of times that you showed me, that making a commitment was something that I guess I wasn’t worthy of

And now I’m left back at square one

I feel stupid, stupid for letting you achieve something that I’d been fighting against for so long.

I feel naïve..naive for actually believing that this could work out for my good, all the while knowing that anything birthed in sin and disobedience leads to death, I guess that’s why my heart no longer beats like it used to.. Because every time I allowed you into me, I lost my peace, my joy, my fellowship with God and last but not least my sanity

I feel dumb. With you I seem to lose my voice to speak the truth and how I really feel in order to make you comfortable in a situation in which comfort shouldn’t be in the first place..it shouldn’t even be in the picture, but let’s face it.. Who really thinks when lust I mean love clouds your vision..

We were doing stuff that we had no business doing in the first place, and for what?

For me to be left broken and scarred, to be tossed to the side like my values, as if I’m worthless because I desired to make you work for my heart , but instead you worked less and I ended up placing my heart into the hands that didn’t earn it..

But regardless of how I feel.. I know one thing for sure.. I don’t think I can wait for you anymore.

Clanging Symbols

1 Corinthians 13English Standard Version (ESV)

The Way of Love

13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

 

I was just on Instagram looking at different post and I came across the post of a Christian account. It was pretty much talking about how as followers of Christ, we are supposed to be careful of what we entertain, especially if it's not glorifying God. I completely agree. But the way that it was worded, I couldn't quite tell if they were talking about all media and music, or just secular stuff, so I scrolled through the comments to see if they clarified what they were saying, which they did.

 On top of clarity, I couldn't help but notice some of the stuff that my sisters in Christ were saying. They were literally condemning some people and slaying folks that didn't understand, or agree with the wording of the post. And that is what I had an issue with.

I used to be one of those people that would be quick to try to correct and condemn others when I seen that they were doing stuff that didn't line up with God. It came from pride. I felt that since I knew the truth and what God's Word said I could throw it at people. And that is absolutely wrong...

 

We are encouraged as believers to speak the truth, no doubt about that. We  must also be mindful to not do it in a self righteous way as if we're better than people.

(Ephesians 4:15 ESV   

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,)
 I don't think it's strange that we are encouraged to speak the truth in love...After all the two great commandments that Jesus instructed us to keep is acted in love. (Matthew 22:37-40 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”)  I believe the purpose of us speaking in love is so that people may experience Jesus Christ through us. I believe that the seeds planted from speaking in love will give Jesus that leeway that He needs to open up that persons heart to Him. It provokes a gentleness that corrects more than us trying to condemn people and force the Bible down their throats. I've been on the opposite end and have felt attacked before by someone I looked up to in Christ (over a nose ring LOL), and it hurt me to the core. It made my heart hardened towards them and it made me want to rebel as a defense.  Proverbs 18:19 says that an offended brother is harder to reach than a fortified city. I was already in a tough place in my walk with Christ, and then being attacked on social media in front of everybody y'all... that just pushed me away further. It was literally God and His love and correction that drew me back into His arms. 

We were not always where we are in Christ...and even if you may be more spiritually mature than others, we are all still being kept and will always be kept by His Grace.
The Gospel is going to be offensive to some people, but as long as it's spoken in love, I do believe that God will handle the rest. We know when we just want to correct someone out of pride, and not out of having a love for them and wanting to see them experience Christ...and that is what I believe it means to speak in love. Wanting to desperately see people free from the bondage of sin and experiencing the love of Jesus, and not just to show that you have biblical knowledge, or that you have it all together. It's not our job to condemn anyone, for there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). We are simply to speak the Word, and that's it.
There will be cases in which you speak in love, in gentleness, and all that good stuff and people will still have an issue with that. Keep speaking scripture and pray for that person. Their heart may be damaged due to past things and that is completely out of your control. Just do your part by praying for them, encouraging them with truth and love, and I guarantee you that God will work that out. He doesn't need us to dress up His Word with anything. His Word is powerful on its own. We just need to speak it and let it do what it's came to do...set people free.

We all are sinners who are in desperate need of Christ. I have accepted Christ into my heart as Lord, and I still need Him just like I did when I first received salvation. So, I can not come at someone sideways like I have it all together...because I don't. And because of that I try to make it intentional to speak the truth in love and with gentleness so that people may be open to receiving Christ. Because at any moment, I can fall into the same sin that they struggle with.
(Galatians 6:1    
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.)
After all, I ain't tryna be a clanging symbol...LOL... they're annoying.