Another day goes by, with not a text
nor call
And I catch myself asking the same
question…why do I constantly do this to myself
I always allow you in..into my heart
, into my mind, into my being just to be left vulnerable again
The vulnerability that goes unnoticed
produces scares that makes my heart bleed
But yet I ignore it because the
feeling of being with you, is so euphoric
It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced
before..well maybe I have but that’s not the point
I notice that this is a cycle... We
text, you come over, we enjoy each other and then you leave
And of course I get damaged, because
I always tend to wear my heart on my sleeve
Even after the countless number of
times that you showed me, that making a commitment was something that I guess I
wasn’t worthy of
And now I’m left back at square one
I feel stupid, stupid for letting you
achieve something that I’d been fighting against for so long.
I feel naïve..naive for actually believing
that this could work out for my good, all the while knowing that anything
birthed in sin and disobedience leads to death, I guess that’s why my heart no
longer beats like it used to.. Because every time I allowed you into me, I lost
my peace, my joy, my fellowship with God and last but not least my sanity
I feel dumb. With you I seem to lose
my voice to speak the truth and how I really feel in order to make you
comfortable in a situation in which comfort shouldn’t be in the first place..it
shouldn’t even be in the picture, but let’s face it.. Who really thinks when lust
I mean love clouds your vision..
We were doing stuff that we had no
business doing in the first place, and for what?
For me to be left broken and scarred,
to be tossed to the side like my values, as if I’m worthless because I desired
to make you work for my heart , but instead you worked less and I ended up
placing my heart into the hands that didn’t earn it..
But regardless of how I feel.. I know
one thing for sure.. I don’t think I can wait for you anymore.
